Kindness

One of the uglier sides of human nature is selfishness.
A regular response to my questions about selfishness towards others is, "Well why should I?  What have they ever done for me?!"  I might point out something they've told me their loved one did for them, but that's often met with a shrug and dismissed.
That type of answer makes me sigh.....heavily.
It saddens me to witness someone taking pleasure as their partner or loved one does more and more things to please or satisfy their needs, knowing full well that they won't be reciprocating their partners selfless act.  I gently, but directly encourage them to do just one kind thing, without expectation or an agenda attached, just one, selfless act of kindness.
Resistance is normal at this stage - but I persevere!
When we are in a relationship - any relationship- be it with our children, significant other, friends or in a work setting with colleagues, giving and receiving is the only way to maintain a healthy bond with our fellow man.
See the unity within all of us.
We all appreciate kindness, thoughtfulness and selfless acts - your partner is no different.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by hanging up your selfish hat and trying something new.
"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible." - Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Select all, copy, paste

We live in a copy and paste society.
People use the same phrases over and over again.
One size fitting all - only it doesn't.
Cliches, metaphors and analogies trip off tongues without thought into whether or not they are in context.
This habit scourging our society appears to me at least, to be transferring to our behaviour.
Don't spend tomorrow copying and pasting the mask you wore yesterday - today is a new and unique day with experiences that will feel differently, IF you allow yourself to pay attention to your feelings!
Duplicating your response to a situation on the basis that that's how you've always responded, does not make it right.
Celebrate not being a robot carrying out it's function.
You're a one-off!
Be you, feel your emotions and express yourself!
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
"I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings." - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Quietening the night time demons

Demons creep into our sleeping state.  They've spent the daytime lurking in the shadows, sometimes catching our eye, but we're too busy to give them the attention they need so they just patiently wait.
They know that in just a few short hours they will be given all the attention they need.  The demons will hold centre stage, occupying every moment of the night hours as we toss and turn in the place that was supposed to be our safe haven.
They seem to smirk at how alert we are as they perform around and around in our minds. Every scenario is covered, no theatrical cast could ever put on such a brilliant show.  As the adrenalin pumps round our body any chance of sleep fades into the distance. The sun comes up, the alarm goes off and the demons, for now, sneak into the shadows as we busy ourselves in the daylight hours.
To be free from the night time demons we must rid ourselves from our daytime fears.
What's really bugging you?
What are you not saying or not doing because you think you might be condemned by others if you are seen to step outside the boundaries they have set for you?
Are you unhappy at work?  Is there someone you can speak to about that?
Have you been keeping a lid on what you're really feeling?
Now is the only time you have to reverse this downward spiral.  Being sleep deprived by the night time demons can lead to anxiety and a horrible sense of being overwhelmed by the most simple of tasks.
Check the shadows today.  Are there demons waiting to occupy your mind tonight?  Give them the attention they need now, and look forward to a peaceful, restorative sleep tonight.
"True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment." - William Penn

Removing the rod from my back.

I think I've made a rod for my back.  This rod, stiff, inflexible and difficult for me to reach has shaped me in the eyes of others.
An independent, strong, capable woman - all very flattering and not aspects of my character I'd easily or happily give up.
But that's not all that's going on.
I can be vulnerable, overly-sensitive, confused and melancholy. I feel relieved when I know someone has caught a glimpse of that side of me.  I believe those who don't do so through their own choice, preferring only to see my strengths.
We are all multi-faceted - all capable of feeling and displaying passion -  all capable of falling into a deeply sad and isolated place.  Each of us, no exceptions - humans with emotions and the ability to experience all of them at some point.
You may be someone who likes to see what satisfies your perception of another - or you may be someone who has an awareness that what others see in you is not the whole story.  Whatever side of the fence you're on the most important thing is to be honest with yourself about all that you feel.
Feel it, express it, speak it, dance it, sing it, write it, draw it -  it matters not what your preferred genre is, the important thing is to move your feelings outwards and avoid burying them deeply and silently inside.
"Be true to yourself and to your feelings.  Those are the only things in your life that will never lie to you." - Author unknown
"The greatest happiness is to transform one's feelings into action." - Madame de Stael

The dream of a pedestal free world

The osteopath with his niggling back problems, the dentist with tooth decay, the teacher of relaxation who has difficulty sleeping at night - each with skills and expertise AND each just as vulnerable as the next person to stress and health issues.
Be careful not to put someone with "expertise" on a pedestal, if they fall, you might too. Your reality shaken to the core when the expert falls ill, "If they can't sort themselves out, what hope is there for me?!"
Being more informed through training or by passing a set of exams does mean the expert is armed with the facts, will that mean they apply all that they know to their own life?  Not necessarily.
The moment we think we are separate, either in a lesser or greater way than another, we have lost the connection with the truth that is - we are all the same.
Be loving and gentle to yourself and have the humility to recognise the vulnerability in every one of us.
"A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space." - Gloria Steinem
"Don't put me on a pedestal, for I am sure to fall. Just love me as I am, flaws and all." - Author unknown

Listen! It's peace calling!

Surely the greatest gift we can hope for others, and ourselves is to be able to feel a sense of peace and contentment radiating from our core.  From time to time, but not often enough I get glimmers of that peacefulness.  I know that within each of us we have that peace and contentment nestled there all the time - mostly ignored - it just waits patiently for our return.
The headminds response to life experiences wraps us up in the hustle and bustle, like an overprotective mother clutching a bundled up duvet to cover her child, dampening down our ability to feel where that peaceful place has gone.  Faster and faster the layers pile on, thicker and thicker they form a muffler to that internal peace-filled core, while amplifying all the chaos from the outside world.
I gave myself a talking to today.
Then I sat on my meditation stool and allowed that peaceful place to take centre stage. For all of us peace should have the leading role, not a walk on part.
"If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else." - Marvin Gaye

Health, wealth & happiness

There is a distorted belief that when it comes to health, wealth and happiness there is an optimum, or perfect level to each, which, if reached leaves us free-wheeling through the remainder of our lives, a traffic free, downhill run on the smoothest of roads.
So, we search and search maintaining a deep rooted belief that at some point we'll find, "it!"
Look up at the sky and just observe all that you see.  Hundreds, probably thousands of people will look up at their sky today, wondering, questioning, crying, pleading, asking.
Our health, the ability to appreciate the beauty that is our functioning, effective body with all it's chemical and mechanical complexities.
Our wealth, not simply the monetary value enabling us to provide food and shelter for ourselves and those we love,  the rich asset that is our knowledge and emotional awareness.
Our happiness, not the hollow laughter of an egotistical hedonist, but the quiet joy of being here now - happiness at being part of a family, having friends, an appreciation of all that we are in this world.
Stop striving to find the elusive key to something that is already here with you right now.
"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship." - Buddha
"Wealth is the ability to fully experience life." - Henry David Thoreau
"Happiness depends on ourselves." - Aristotle

Being held back by beliefs

The trouble with belief is that at some point it will be challenged. No matter if the belief is about your spiritual leaning, your understanding of yourself, or your belief about what motivates another person - try keeping your beliefs as open and flexible as possible.
Stay rigid and you risk snapping as a boulder rolls on to the tight rope of belief you are walking. By maintaining a softer more pliable stance, keeping your heart and mind open you will be far better equipped to stay on your path, no matter if there are times when you question your belief. There's no shame in changing your mind - in fact it's the only way to keep growing!
"It is not disbelief that is dangerous in our society, it is belief." - George Bernard Shaw
"If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?" - W. Somerset Maugham

Keeping afloat

As I swim I push the invisible force of the water to one side. Bit by bit I move through the water gradually reaching the other side of the pool. Stroke by stroke and by applying a certain amount of effort I ensure I don't sink. Living is a lot like swimming. There may be what seems like "invisible" forces making your journey feel like an enormous effort. Tread water for a moment, better still stop making it such hard work and just float. Let the water support you while you decide if there's another way for you to continue on your journey. Sometimes it may feel like you're sinking. Life can support, just as a floatation aid can keep you buoyant in water. Do what you need to do to stay afloat. Find whatever it is that supports you, talking to friends and loved ones, yoga, prayer, being out in nature - reach out to whatever resonates with you.
"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." - Arnold H. Glasgow

Defining restrictions

To attempt to define water is like trying to explain the Universe in one sentence.
Water is a life source we all depend on, it can also take lives and devastate whole landscapes, washing away homes and livelihoods.
It is rain, clouds, a raging white water river, a calm lake, H2O, ice cubes, and the hot water that makes a cup of tea.
You are as diverse as the water and the Universe.
I feel sad when I listen to the self limiting definitions individuals use to describe their own understanding of themselves.
At this moment, there will be aspects of your life including,your job, relationship, family situation, financial status or popularity within the community that are true and accurate to your life right now. Is it by those "external" factors you define yourself? Do you really believe those things fully define who you are?
I'd like you to add another skill to your daily routine which may help you realise another aspect of yourself. Start practising mindfulness through meditation, yoga or breathing exercises. Being still, allowing peaceful "non-active" moments in your day will start to re-balance what you may currently hold as important in defining you with a much bigger, broader picture with less defined boundaries. In time a shift may occur enabling you to gently let go of those old beliefs about your identity. Mindfulness helps you enjoy the peaceful times, and with practise you can access that place anytime. Care less about how you have chosen to define yourself, take off that mask and celebrate all that makes you the complex being that you are!

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld.